


What I Wanted To Tell You

by PawneePorpoise



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: First Kiss, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), Getting Together, M/M, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:00:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21898552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PawneePorpoise/pseuds/PawneePorpoise
Summary: The battle's won, and celebrations are steadily carrying-on through the night on Ajan Kloss at the Resistance base. As adrenaline wears off, Finn realizes Poe managed to sneak away from the party without his notice, and he goes in search of him. Besides, he was meaning to tell Poe something about himself anyway.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 24
Kudos: 547





	What I Wanted To Tell You

**Author's Note:**

> I saw the movie. I needed to fix some FinnPoe stuff, which sure we knew wasn't going to happen in canon, but still they didn't have to do us that dirty. Anyway, thank the fanfiction gods for Oscar Isaac and John Boyega leaning so heavily into this ship so at least we have as much to work with in canon as possible!
> 
> This fic has references to missions Poe and Finn went on in Rebecca Roanhorse's book Resistance Reborn, which I HIGHLY HIGHLY recommend you all read if you ship FinnPoe because it was a beautiful tribute to that "natural chemistry" we all talk about so much and an essential lead-in story to The Rise of Skywalker. 
> 
> Of course this also has spoilers for TROS, so don't read it if you don't want to know some things about the plot.

As to be expected, after defeating the Final Order and returning to their jungle base on Ajan Kloss, the Resistance threw one hell of a party. 

Sure, there were many losses, their own General Organa, many longtime pilots like Snap Wexley, and ground troops new and old alike, but the time for mourning and rebuilding would come later.

Tonight was about celebration, relief, the acknowledgment of reaching that place in time they had laid everything on the line to get to and finally had achieved; _peace_. 

The festivities went on well through the night and into the early morning hours before people began breaking off as the adrenaline wore down and the exhaustion set in.

Poe had stepped away some time ago, leaving his troops ( _that_ particular responsibility hadn’t entirely sunk in yet), to continue carrying on. 

Lying on his bunk, in what was one of the only private quarters on the new base, he found that while his body was all kinds of sore and weary, his brain didn’t seem to get the memo. The events of the past few hours came rushing back, and while he stuffed the losses of his friends deep down for now (he wasn’t ready to face that just yet) he couldn’t help but play back the rest. 

He’d found himself in sticky situations before, but had never felt as much of a failure as he had when he believed they were outnumbered and headed for complete destruction. The relief of seeing the Falcon leading more than a fleet’s worth of allies into battle is going to stick with him until the day he dies, he’s sure of it. 

Poe also finds that he can’t stop himself from re-living at least some of the fear he felt when Rose told him that Finn never left the surface of the Command ship as he was watching it explode and fall out of the atmosphere. He’d forever be grateful to the Falcon and Lando for getting there in time. 

The obvious question after ending something as seemingly insurmountable as an entire galactic war is what’s next? And well, if anyone had asked him he’d probably have said something about being too focused on their next move, about winning the war, about defeating the First, then the Final, Order to think about what life could look like afterward. 

But if he’d said that, he’d have been a lair. 

In this past year, since they left Crait and went on mission after mission to gather allies and supplies to rebuild, Poe has spent a lot of time getting to know his fellow Resistance members. 

Rose has proven herself invaluable to the cause. Whatever she chooses to do next, he knows she’ll be successful. She’s a mighty engineering talent and a hell of a quick-thinking problem-solver. 

Rey, well, the possibilities are endless for someone of her caliber. She very well could have ruled the Galaxy, not that she wanted to, and he’s sure there’s one hell of a story to go along with her piece of this final journey, but she made it clear tonight wouldn’t be the time for that retelling. 

Regardless, whatever planet she decides to set down on will be lucky to have her, he’s certain. He also hopes it not entirely too far, because BB-8 has grown pretty attached and he’s not sure he could make that joint-custody arrangement work from opposite sides of the Galaxy. 

And Finn, well, that’s really the big question if Poe’s being honest. What will Finn decide to do? 

In the past year he and Poe have grown quite close. Being in more than a handful of blaster fights against First Order sympathizers and Bounty Hunters on entirely too many missions-gone-wrong will do that to you though. But it’s not just the high stakes of life or death that’s made Poe realize he’d follow Finn anywhere. 

It’s not just witnessing the former-Stormtrooper’s grace in battle, or his confidence in the face of death and destruction, or even the care he has for his friend’s well-being that’s made Poe decide immediately to promote Finn to an equal General as well. 

No, it’s truly been the quiet moments, between just the two of them over the past year that’s really done it. 

When they were in space on their way to a mission on Corellia and Finn’s sheepishly struggling with the correct way to fasten his tie and Poe has to show him how it’s done. Or when Poe’s feeling less than worthy of anyone’s support after the mistakes he made during the evacuation of D’Qar and the battle of Crait, and Finn is the first to stand up for him and pledge his loyalty to whatever cause Poe fights for.

It’s how Finn always makes sure to touch Poe to make sure he’s aware of his presence. A hand on his shoulder, or a firm grip on the back of his neck, just something to reassure him that he isn’t alone. And whether Finn really just also needs the contact or, what Poe suspects, that Finn’s picked up on Poe’s unspoken need for physical touch in the face of uncertainty, the care behind each action warms his heart. 

Still, currently lying in his bunk, Poe isn’t tired, and as he thinks ahead he imagines a world at peace, where he can return to Yavin IV, to his family home. And, as is always the case, this fantasy world he imagines for himself morphs ever so slightly to include Finn in every scene.

What their fingers will look like intertwined while they recline under the Force tree in the yard. That adorable expression of joy that will light up Finn’s face when he finally tastes the richness of traditional Yaninese cooking. The complaining Poe will be subjected to when Finn realizes how sticky hot it gets in the dry season. And so on and so forth, Poe lets his mind wander through the what-might-be’s, as he awaits sleep to take him. 

==

Finn was having one heck of a day. First he’s prepared to die, clinging to the side of a Final Order Command ship after successfully blowing it up, then he’s safe, back on Ajan Kloss being pulled out on the dance floor while simultaneously handed a drink. 

He knows there were heavy losses in the final moments of their fight, and he’ll have to take count and understand how they begin to rebuild the pieces of their society and where he fits into that larger picture, but tonight he’s ready to just exist in the moment. 

Rey, Poe and himself had joined the singing, cheering, dancing crowd after their extended embrace. He knows what he felt, Rey’s life force leaving the mortal world, but then she was back and they were all together again and all he could think while clinging to them for dear life was how did he ever become this lucky? 

How was it that he got to survive this on the right side of history with his two closest friends still by his side?

Finn desperately wanted to talk to Rey about what happened on Exogal, but knew now was not the time. Honestly, he also still needed to talk to her about how he knew something happened at all, as he tried to back in the sinking fields but didn’t get the chance. 

It had been a while now since he understood the implications behind what he was feeling. That it wasn’t just empathy, it was the Force pushing him towards things and giving him the context he needed to make better informed decisions in the heat of the moment. And while it may have initially scared him, he now was more interested in understanding how he could train himself to better harness it not only when he was in crisis mode. 

Breaking out of the dancing crowd, Finn sits down on a nearby cargo crate just outside the perimeter of the dance floor. The crowd is thinning out a little, they’ve been going for hours at this point, and as he scans across the familiar and not-too-familiar faces he notices one particular person is missing. 

Poe must have snuck off at some point because Finn is always capable of picking him out relatively quick. He’d been blaming that on the Force too, though it may just be his own personal tendency to keep Poe close by whenever possible that leads that to be the case.

They’ve been going at 110% for so many days now he hasn’t really had a chance to stop and think, but he’s suddenly reminded of that passing comment Poe had made about being left out of the conversation in the underground tunnels of Pasaana. 

What exactly was that remark? Was it jealousy, but over what exactly? 

Poe and Rey had been getting along just fine since they all had a chance to meet and begin working together. It was a stressful situation at the time though, so Finn figures maybe he’s reading too much into it. 

Regardless, he can’t talk to Rey tonight about his Force sensitivity, but he really wants to tell Poe. Starting this post-war life with any secrets left between them feels wrong somehow. 

As he makes his way down the hall towards Poe’s quarters, Finn isn’t even at the door before he begins to feel uneasy. By this point he recognizes this feeling as emotions coming through the force, but where are they coming from and why now? 

Those questions are answered when he gets to the door of Poe’s room. Just before knocking he makes the connection that Poe must be brooding alone in there. 

Again. 

Finn knows he should probably be more embarrassed about the fact that he’s certain this is something Poe often does, and he really does try his hardest not to read his friends emotions like that on a regular basis at all (which he’s usually successful with) but sometimes, when something is really bothering a person he just hasn’t figured out how to block it out. 

That’s a big part of why he wants to talk to Rey, honestly. 

They’ve all been through a lot these past few hours, days, weeks, hell years even, and he can’t blame Poe for feeling the weight of it all, but he also can’t just let his best friend sit alone in a room sulking after they just accomplished the massive feat of bringing down the entire Order.

Also, if he’s being honest with himself (which he’s really trying to be lately) even though the prospect of moving on with life is only a few hours old at this point, he’s anxious and excited to talk to Poe about his plans after this. 

Because Finn hasn’t spent a whole ton of time thinking about the future, but his mind sure has spent a lot of time dreaming about it when he goes to sleep at night. Whether he can blame that on the Force too he’s not positive, but he can say that from what he remembers each morning when he wakes up, there’s two things he can say for sure.

One; he’s settling down somewhere with absolutely zero snow or sand. Both of those are a hard pass on the state of his peacefulness. 

And Two; Poe is definitely going to be there with him. 

He hopes.

He knows they’ve grown close, well, closer anyway- it’s possible they were already close from the moment they met on the Finalizer- over the past year, but he’s been cautious to make sure Poe doesn’t suspect that he has maybe a different type of interest in their relationship, one that’s a little more than just friends.

The easy intimacy between them, and that’s exactly what their time together always is, intimate, even if it stays platonically so, is something Finn hasn’t ever experienced with another living creature and he’ll cherish it in whatever form it takes for as long as Poe lets him. 

Plus, as far as Finn knows Poe doesn’t have any Force sensitivity, despite apparently growing up next to a Force Tree which Finn still hopes he gets to see someday, so Finn’s emotions should be well hidden for the foreseeable future. 

At this point Finn’s been standing outside Poe’s door for entirely too long and it would be really weird if anyone saw him so he knocks before he can change his mind. Immediately the wave of longing and uncertainty he felt coming from the room dissipates, further confirming it was Poe who was giving off that particular vibe. 

The door opens a moment later, and Finn immediately wishes he would have knocked sooner when Poe’s whole face lights up at the recognition of Finn’s presence. 

“Finn? Come in, I was just, uh- How was the party?”, Poe says floundering for words while half-heartedly gesturing into the room clearly without a good excuse as to why he was sitting alone doing absolutely nothing.

Finn tucks his chin down as he enters so Poe can’t see the smirk that settles into place at that obvious fumble and even worse recovery. 

It’s a wonder to Finn how this man could be such a competent pilot, literally General-level good at military tactics, and yet be so awful at coming up with lies on the spot in his everyday life. 

“It was really great, there’s some dancers who still haven’t quit yet” Finn replies. 

Poe returns to his bed, the only real place to sit in the small space, and Finn follows easily. This sort of closeness, sitting shoulder to shoulder in the center of the bed, backs propped up against the wall, isn’t something strange or new for them. It’s exactly the sort of intimacy Finn was pondering earlier.

At this point it’s practiced, comfortable as anything, and in the stillness that currently settles over them there isn’t a shred of awkwardness, just understanding. 

But while there isn’t any awkwardness between them there is something different in the energy in the room. A sort of breath that’s being held, words that maybe want to be or probably should be said, but neither man takes the step to begin a conversation they both know is coming. Instead, Poe is singularly focused on the spot where his hand rests on the bed between their legs, clearly already finding himself lost back in thoughts he really shouldn’t be bearing by himself, and Finn, with no other clear way to bring his friend back to this moment reaches down, sliding his hand directly on top of Poe’s. 

There’s a moment, a split second where Finn thinks he’s an idiot. They’ve held hands before on a number of occasions, running through the streets being pursued by blaster fire, escaping from Bounty Hunters in clandestine storage facilities, hell, most recently, right before they set off on their final mission, so why would Poe think this time was any different than those other times, and now that he’s considering it why would Finn want him to think that it _should_ be? 

But maybe Finn didn’t give Poe enough credit. They’re always on the same page even when they weren’t even aware they were supposed to be reading a book at all, and as Poe flips his palm up and laces their fingers together Finn finds his previous worries evaporated and his heartbeat a little bit faster. 

Maybe it’s this physically reinforced bond that’s now quite literally between them, but Finn feels the confidence he needs to tell Poe what he was too afraid to speak of earlier. Unfortunately, Poe also must feel some of that confidence because they start at exactly the same moment. 

“I think I have the Force,” blurts Finn.

“Will you move with me to Yavin IV?,” Poe stammers.

“Wait, what?”, Finn’s gaze is locked directly on Poe’s face now because he _thinks_ he heard Poe correctly but also that’s not at all what he was expecting him to be worried over and he was sort of in the middle of his own confession. 

“Forget what I said, you’re a Jedi!?”, Poe turns his whole body towards Finn now, confusion radiating from every cell and he’s gripping Finn’s hand tighter than ever. 

“No, I’m not a Jedi, nothing like Rey if that’s what you’re thinking. I just-,” and he pauses to take a breath because he realises he is still sort of nervous about this and needs to get his words exactly right.

He’s not utilizing the Force in the same way as a Jedi. He can’t move objects, or overpower those with weak wills. He’s just, more observant. And Poe’s had some awful experiences with Force users as of late. One especially that Finn is pretty sure he’s not properly dealt with the psychological fallout from. So what he says here can’t give Poe the wrong impression. Can’t scare him away and ruin this implicit trust and closeness they’ve found together. 

Unsure but determined, Finn continues, “Before, you wanted to know what I was going to tell Rey and that’s it. I- I guess I’m not exactly sure when I realized it but I’ve had these feelings and I can’t really explain them but, I know for sure now, it’s the Force. But I’m not a Jedi. I can’t control anything, or move stuff, or any of the stuff we’ve seen anyone else do. I think it’s probably more like the Gen- er, Leia had it, but I just-” 

Finn realizes, he’s rambling, but it’s like now that he’s started and Poe wasn’t immediately scared off he feels like he has to keep going. 

“It’s just, there’s been times when I just know things, things I really couldn’t have known, like, how the command ship was the one we needed to attack, or how Rey was dea-” at this memory he cuts off abruptly, the reality of what he’d felt happen coming back to him, “how she wasn’t there anymore,” he finishes more softly. 

Poe snaps back to himself at the lull in Finn’s explanation. He’s unsure exactly how to react, Finn can tell that much, but Poe’s honest in his response. 

“Finn that's just- wow buddy, I didn’t expect- I mean, congrats?” Poe seems to have decided to go with supportive for now. 

“This is a good thing right? It’s a good thing? You want the Force. The Force is cool, I mean, Rey’s cool and she has the force and you’re well you don’t need to feel the Force to be cool you were already there without it but uh, please stop me, you’re happy about this, this is happy news right?” 

The blush coloring Poe’s cheeks now is wholesome in a way Finn never associated with the man before, but he’s a fan. 

“Yes, Poe. It’s a good thing.” Finn replies, and finds he actually really means it.

“Strange? Yeah. Unexpected? Maybe not entirely if I actually think back on my entire life. But happy? Yeah, all things considered, I’d say I’m well on my way to being happy.” 

Finn can’t help smiling after that because when he thinks about it for a second, this is something good. Something he’s proud of. Something he’s always known but never really considered for himself. And it’s then that he remembers what Poe had blurted out moments before then in true Poe Dameron fashion, artfully dodged expanding on up to this point. 

“Your turn, Poe. Did you just ask me to move to your homeworld with you?”

At that reminder of his own words, Poe’s blush deepens and Finn edits his earlier thought. _This_ is the color he’s most a fan of on Poe’s cheeks. 

“Did I say that? Does that sound like something I’d say?” Poe tries for unaffected but misses by a mile. At Finn’s raised eyebrow but no actual response Poe’s forced to own up. 

“Uh, yeah, I guess I did, but don’t worry about it. Your thing was way better than my thing. I can see why you wanted to talk to Rey specifically about it. There’s not much I can offer you there.” 

Poe trails off, glancing down and only now seeing they were still holding hands, he quickly lets go before realizing he doesn’t have anything else to do with them so he awkwardly sets them in his lap before adding, 

“With the force I mean. Nothing to offer you about how to connect with the Force. Never really was my area of expertise, you know?”

And Finn doesn’t need Force powers to see what’s going on here, what Poe’s already doing to himself in this moment. 

Pulling away, probably beating himself up over his lack of usefulness in this situation. Finn knows this because he’s been there for Poe countless times over the past year when he’s had to face his guilt and perceived failures head-on. 

He let Poe sob on his shoulder after he came back from trying to recruit Maz Kanata and instead got an earful from her about his inability to be a good leader, a good soldier. He sat with Poe on the floor of the fresher reassuring him after their return from their nearly-failed mission to Corellia to get necessary Resistance intel went horribly awry and both almost died at the hands of the First Order, again. 

Finn knows this, he’s seen it, he’s felt it in the core of his life force, and right now if he tried to tune in to Poe’s feelings he knows he’d be overwhelmed with the second guessing that’s going on in his best friend’s head.

So, Finn does what he feels is right, because trusting those feelings hasn’t steered him wrong yet. It’s what led him to Poe in the first place afterall, so he believes that it’s not going to drive him away after everything they’ve been through. 

Reaching out, slowly as to not spook Poe out of his thoughts, Finn takes both of Poe’s hands in his own. Bringing them up to his face, he slowly, keeping eye contact, begins by kissing each knuckle on Poe’s hand, bruised and battered as they are. 

The shock on Poe’s face is an absolute delight for Finn. But he doesn’t give in to the laughter that wants to bubble up just yet. He needs Poe to know what he’s about to say is serious. That he means every word and isn’t just here to humor him. 

“First off, yes,” Finn begins, “Yes Poe, of course I’d love to join you on Yavin IV.”

And Finn can’t help himself, it’s pure instinct at this point but he lays another series of soft touches, just barely registering as kisses, to the back of both of Poe’s hands. 

He might not admit it later, or maybe he would because everyone knows Poe is a sap underneath it all, but Finn sees the watery look in his eyes and knows Poe didn’t expect that answer from him, even after everything. 

Still clearly struggling with words at all, Poe manages to get out a few but they’re so shaky Finn doesn’t immediately understand what’s being asked, 

“What’s second?”

Confused Finn replies, “What do you mean second?”

Poe gathers himself, “You said ‘First off’, what’s the second thing you were going to say?”

And Finn’s smile is wide as he realizes that crushing worries aside, this is definitely his Poe he’s talking to right now, fully in the moment. 

“Oh, well the second thing I wanted you to know, before anyone makes any plans to move anywhere,” Finn begins, and he adjusts his placement on the bed, crossing his legs before him so he can turn and face Poe directly for this next part to really get his point across. 

“Is that I love you. I’m rather in love with you actually, if you need me to be speci- oof!” Finn doesn’t quite finish his thought before he’s suddenly lying flat on his back on the cot with a very enthusiastic pilot full body hugging the air out of his lungs. 

“I’m taking it that that’s okay with you?” Finn forces out with his limited air supply. 

Realizing what he’s doing, Poe pulls back, propping himself up on one elbow but not completely backing off from Finn’s personal space.

“I love you too,” Poe says, in a voice so hushed Finn feels the entire galaxy shrink down to this little bubble they are currently residing in. And the following smile spreading across Poe’s features is more beautiful than anything, literally anything, Finn has ever seen. 

So no one can really fault him when his last ounce of control breaks. 

Surging forward the few remaining inches between them, Finn presses his mouth to Poe’s. 

And it’s probably too much pressure, and the angle isn’t quite right, and maybe he should have asked Poe first before he did this but they’re finally connected in a way only Finn’s dreams had previously allowed and Finn can’t regret the choice that led him to this moment. 

Poe’s hands slide up into Finn’s hair, tilting his head at just the angle Poe needs to latch on to Finn’s lips fully. 

Finn’s hand comes up to the back of Poe’s neck, holding him closer still, refusing to acknowledge his need for air. 

How long they continue finding each other over and over again neither can say, but eventually they pull back, foreheads resting against each other, wide smiles and bubbling laughter reaching the surface. 

“I’ve wanted to do that forever,” whispers Poe. 

“I’ve thought about it every day since I found you again on the tarmac in D’Qar,” laughs Finn. 

“Why did we wait so long?!” Poe groans, rolling off Finn to lie on his back right next to him, a mirror of their shoulder-to-shoulder stance from earlier, just with a bit more closeness this time. 

“It probably has something to do with that war we were fighting, but, who cares about what we should have done. We’re here now, yeah?” Finn replies, turning his head to look at Poe’s profile. 

The mention of the war they’d only just barely finished seems to bring them both back down from the high they were just feeling. 

They’re lucky, they both know it. So many of their friends and allies tonight aren’t able to have this conversation with their own loved ones. 

Poe turns to look at Finn then, a softer, more private smile lighting up his face. Rolling onto his side, Poe keeps eye contact while reaching down to take Finn’s hand, bringing it up to kiss the palm. 

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Poe whispers, “When the command ship was falling and Rose said you weren’t off it, I just- I thought what if I never see you again? What if I never get to tell you I love you. What if-,” he cuts off, beginning to get choked up again. 

Now it’s Finn’s turn to roll to face Poe, bringing their joined hands up to hold tight right over his heart. 

“Shh, I’m here. You’re here. We’re safe, and Force-willing Poe Dameron I’m never leaving your side again for the rest of your life.” Then he leans forward bumping their foreheads together before pulling back to place a kiss at Poe’s temple. 

Poe lets out just the softest sound of contentment or it may have been a sob and Finn immediately releases Poe’s hands to instead wrap his arms around the pilot and pulls him close against his body, tucking Poe’s messy head of curls below his chin. 

Poe goes willingly, and as Finn begins rubbing small circles across Poe’s back the man melts against him, the last of his tension from the day finally seeping out, replaced by the exhaustion that was only barely held back. 

They stay this way, not talking, there would be time to figure out specifics and ask follow up questions tomorrow, and the next day, and even the one after that. Because Finn wasn’t exaggerating. He really intends to walk hand-in-hand with Poe wherever he goes for the rest of time. 

Only a few minutes later, Finn has to hold in his laughter when he realizes Poe has definitely fallen asleep, effectively trapping him in this spot on the bed. 

But really it’s okay with him, he doesn’t have any place else he’d ever want to be. 

“Sleep well, my love,” Finn breathes into Poe’s hair, placing one last gentle kiss to the top of his head, before relaxing into his own much needed nights sleep.


End file.
